Yet Again I Do Stupid Things

So, against my better judgment, I find myself interested in men again. The reason for this being against my better judgment is the fact that I don't really have the time for a significant other right now. I'm more than willing to make that time however. At any rate... in my efforts to get to know one particular guy better, I find myself treating him like I would treat my other friends... trying to spread my attention to four or five different people, while trying to establish something more solid between myself and him is quite difficult. What's even more frustrating is the fact that I'm reading too much into everything!!!! I don't want to read into anything... I don't want anything more from this guy than the chance to get to know him better. But no! I'm catching myself analyzing and questioning and digging for more than what is really there at this point. This is ridiculous! I guess no matter how old you get, you fall back into these habits and behaviors that come with attractions. *sighs* I would love to have another opportunity to hang out with him and get to know him better. I would love to have another opportunity to watch him interact with other people. I would love to have another chance to be a friend... maybe even a better one that I have been so far. Ah hell, I'd love for just the chance to see him more than once a week, if that.

Why are these stupid things? Well, just for the sake that I have been happy with myself as a single woman since my breakup with Alan. Yeah, there have been some really rough times, but for the most part, I'm greatly happy with being single. I mean, I do have a drawback in the fact that Gummie Bear is gone, but I've been surviving just fine without hugs from men. So far anyways. This just sucks!!!! Guh, *grumbles* looks like E will have some fodder for me now. Dude, what's my problem? I have tried twice since meeting this guy to hook up with him and have an opportunity to hang out with him... and both times something came up to where it didn't happen. I wonder if this is something I need to turn over to the Lord. I think I just figured out the key. Well, the angsty side of me has subsided for now. I'm still flustered about the stupid failures I've made in trying to get to know him a little better. I'm still flustered that things aren't on my terms. But one thing I haven't even considered is the fact that maybe I'm supposed to deal with these frustrations and awkward times. I'm not going to focus on "turning his head." I want nothing more than friendship from him. Don't I?