Moving Along

Well, life seems to have thrown my car into the fast lane while at the same time things seem to be going at a relatively mellow pace with plenty of time left to me. Time... that seems to be a snake that hides in the bushes. I know it will catch up to me one day and before I know it, I'll be done with my time here on this island. Time is both an ally and an enemy to me presently. Why? Well, I've met someone again. Things are different this time around, thank goodness, and frankly, I don't want to leave this relationship. Yet, I must move on with my life. Though my entire being wants to hold off on making future plans for myself in order to see where my new relationship will go without hinderances or impending finish dates, I must move on and plan things out as best as I can. I know that I must continue on with planning my life out. I want to go teach English in Japan. I want to attain my master's degree. I've had so many people tell me to go and be selfish now because I won't be able to once I'm married and I have children. Well, I am trying to work on that much of my life, the planning things out for my life part. I am not dissatisfied with where my life is currently or where I will be going with it, but I do have unmet wants.

I have found a master's program in a field that I've been wanting to study for a while now. I mean, I've looked for a couple of years to find this program. It feels like something I should pursue. *sighs* There seems to be a lot of options coming up in my life, which is great to have, but I have usually been the kind of person who set out on a specific path for myself, and every few years planned out the next few years and followed that plan. That method has gotten me through 22 years of life just fine. Granted, I tried to consult the Big Man in my plans to see if I was doing something good in His eyes. I've been finding some shallow things about my life that could use overhauls, so I've been trying to overhaul those areas.

I keep wondering about selfishness though. I'd like to think that so far I've been balanced in my level of selfishness in life. I'd like to think that I've been able to experience give and take in the wants that I have had, but for some reason, I don't know if I should be selfish in the next few years of my life. It just doesn't seem right to me to be that way. I mean, I'm not perfect by any means, but at the same time, I am doing all that I can to be as perfect and as good as I can be. That doesn't sound right... um, I'm just trying to be the best that I can be, and selfishness does not seem to be a quality that I want to work more on. I know that I need to be sure to take care of myself, but at the same time, there are people around me who are telling me to be selfish and not put things on hold for anything.

All I know right now is that my feet are moving, but I have no clue where they are going to lead me.

Thwarted

Okay, so my supposed righteous indignation is false. I guess I was the one at fault. I hate being thwarted, especially if it's because I'm the idiot in the thing. I don't want to be in this set up anymore.

Real World Drama

So I need to vent this out before it festers, but I'm pissed right now. Freakin' pissed!!!! Seriously, I mean... what right does she have to say that to me? What right?!?!? Something, not mine, was left on my desk, so I asked about what to do about it. I was told, so I asked another question so I could get the stupid thing taken care of. I had an errand to run, so I was going to take it to the office itself. Period... yet I was told not to worry about it so I left. Well, I come back and get accused of sluffing that off onto someone else. I WASN'T SLUFFING IT ONTO ANYONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nothing angers me more than when I get falsely accused of something. I mean, c'mon. Just because you still might be miffed because you can't take over the office and the space doesn't mean you take it out on me. This person is not my boss, nor will I agree to listen to her demands unless I'm helping her. So now I'm pissed. This is too ridiculous really. I need to get over it, but maybe in another hour or so. I mean, she only did this about five minutes ago anyway. Grrrrrrr!!!!! >_<

First Failure in the Real World

I hope this isn't seen by many people, but if it is, I can live with that. So in my job I am given various projects from a wide variety of people. This failure that I'm talking about came from the second highest person on the campus. I was given an assignment from my boss to put together a video for this person. Well, I was given no clue as to what I should do, and I was told to put it on the back shelf for a while. I had planned to have it done with plenty of time to spare, yet I was told to work on something else in the meantime. When it did become time for me to get to work on the project, I had little time before my planned vacation. I left the island thinking that I had put the editting into capable hands. Well, now that I'm back, I find out that this man is furious because of the supposed lack of attention given to the project. I wrote a script up to the editor to follow. Not only that, but I had ordering created too. My mistake was not getting involved in the project more. My mistake was not talking to the person who requested the video to get a clearer picture of what was desired. I could easily say that the person who was in charge of editing my project dropped the ball, but I don't like to defer blame. I'm not a finger pointer. I learned a long time ago that it is more important to own up to mistakes and errs than to try and have something else take the brunt of the negative emotion that is generally created from a failure. This entry is not for a whine fest, it's to purge myself of feeling angry that someone made me look bad because they did not complete a project I was put in charge of. I am angry that someone had to save my butt in the end. I am angry that the person who wanted the project done had to endure something that seemed humiliating and angering. I hope this anger does not last long. This is like the one time in my life that I ever took a D grade in a class; I'm glad that I did have someone come to my rescue, but in the end, I still carry a bad name with this person for the time being and that bothers me. I can only hope that I will be able to prove myself to this person at a later point and have them see that I am better and can produce better than what was given to him.

Vent Ended......