Familial Woes

So... I have some ranting I really need to do. Some background first, my sister-in-law is married to my middle older brother (I have three older brothers so it makes sense), and I will be graduating from college in June this year. About a year ago, probably more, I told them when I was graduating expressing the fact that I want them there. Well, here I am six months later and am still getting a "no" from them; really from my sister-in-law. She and I chatted a couple of days ago online when she told me about their financial situation. Personally, I am not the richest person in the world, let alone in my dorm unit, so I totally understand financial constraints. The problem is the fact that never once did she seem to consider coming out here. All I've been getting is excuses from her. The most recent being the fact that if she and my bro were to drop the money to come out here to Hawai'i for my grad, they probably wouldn't be able to make it to her little sister's grad in Utah. They live in Washington state.

My first reaction was hurt and a great desire to just stop chatting with her then and there. However, in my poor attempts at being Christ-like in life, I stayed online with her in order to hear as much of her side of the situation as possible. In my hurt state of mind, I was just fighting to keep from cussing her out or worse. I don't want to harm our friendship, nor do I want my bro to feel like he has to choose between his family or his wife. I just couldn't believe that they could just easily choose her sister over me. I have fought to stay in contact with them because they do not call me; I have played devil's advocate with my family when people began to grumble about her, yet I get repaid with an "... what kind of sister would I be?"

What the frick is that?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I mean, she's making my brother, who I can relate best with, to seem uncaring about me. This is retarded gosh dang it!!!! She's part of my family too. What kind of brother has she turned mine into by saying, not for the first time, that they just can't afford the trip and they'll just choose her family? I am so hurt and angry at the situation and her thought process.

Please don't misunderstand me however, for I truly do love them. How many people have been in family situations where they just couldn't stand a sibling or spouse for a while? Those of you who have been, you can understand where I'm coming from.

When it boils down to it, how many times will I graduate with my Bachelors? Not only that, but how many times will my family have a chance at all being in Hawai'i for a bonding opportunity? I struggle with my mortal self for control of my emotions about this situation because they are so strong and violent. I am at the point of giving them an ultimatum. It seems like to me that I've done all the work since I've been out here to stay in contact with them, which says to me that they don't want to make an effort enough to keep up with me. There are plenty of other people who at least meet me halfway in whatever stage of relationship we may be in, but these two, for whatever reason, choose to not. I don't get it.

To be fair, I did forget to send my bro a birthday card. ): I really felt bad about that. Really, I'm not perfect, nor do I devulge much of my private life to many people. I am trying genuinely. I hope that she's not doing this because she feels alienated from most of my family due to the many past disagreements they have had. Like I said, I really do love them... she is a sister to me in every sense of the word; I do love her with all my heart. I just wish that instead of constantly looking toward hinderences, that they would've suggested possible solutions. And really, I would have done that if I had been thinking clearer.

In the end, this graduation dealy is the biggest achievement of my life to date, and I want as many people as possible to attend. I wish my mom's nine brothers and sisters could come out, however, I only have so many tickets for graduation, and I already have five siblings of my own, my parents, two nieces and a nephew that are coming. Well, really I have only received commitments from three siblings, but my little sister is trying to work something out with her school stuffs. My best friend, who gave birth earlier this month, is still going to try to make it to my graduation ceremony. *sighs* I just..... really want them to share in my successes as often as they come. And they don't come that often anymore.